Episode 037: Breaking Limiting Beliefs and Rebuilding Identity Part 1 with Rick Torrison

Purpose Driven Success with Mo Salami

Episode 037: Breaking Limiting Beliefs and Rebuilding Identity Part 1 with Rick Torrison

In this episode of Purpose Driven Success with Mo Salami, transformational coach and USA Today best-selling author Rick Torrison explores what it truly means to live a 'limitless life.' From identity and self-worth to breaking free from limiting beliefs, Rick breaks down why most people stay stuck in the stories they tell themselves and how to rewrite them.

We dive deep into purpose, personal transformation, and the mindset shifts required to move from success to significance. Rick also shares practical tools, daily practices, and frameworks like declarations and identity alignment that help people create change they seek.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, doubted your potential, or questioned your purpose, this episode will challenge how you see yourself and what’s possible moving forward.

Ready to perform at your highest level predictably and sustainably?

If this episode resonated with you, this is the work I do privately with a select group of clients; helping them turn intention into measurable, exponential results in their business and life.

I work 1:1 with ambitious leaders and growth-driven professionals committed to operating at an elite standard.

Request your complimentary private strategy session today. Spots are intentionally limited to ensure high-touch, high-caliber support.

Apply now at mosalami.com/freecall.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I realized that I had settled for a limited life. I had lived that way for so long, it became normal. And my question as we go through this today is where in your life are you living a normal life that was never meant to be your normal? What if the normal you're accepting was never meant to be your normal? So if it is, then you have settled for something less than you were born and created to do an impact that you were created to have.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Welcome to purpose-driven success with Mo Salami, where real journeys, mindset shifts, and strategic insights meet purpose-driven success. I'm your host, Mo Salami. Every week we dive into real conversations with high-achieving founders and leaders, uncovering the mindsets, strategies, and takeaways that help you define and achieve success on your own terms. Welcome to another episode of Purpose Driven Success. I'm your host, Mo Salami, and we are so blessed, the guest that we have on today, it's so, so blessed. It feels like I've known Rick forever, and we met out in Nashville, Tennessee. And because I know his work so well and I see him every day on my social media channels, LinkedIn, for example, I feel like I know Rick even more. You were in for such a gift of an episode today. Jumping straight in. And that means you. Rick is the author of Born Limitless and the creator of the Living Limitless app and the Limitless Life Blueprint Framework. Rick helps you renew your mindset, reconnect with your calling, and walk in faith-driven confidence every single day. So if you're tired of surface level success and you're hungry for truth, identity, and meaning, you will love today's episode. Rick's message is simple. You were born limitless. Rick Torreson, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Hey man. Mo, it's so good to be here. It's so good to see you. I love technology that lets us connect across the pond and be together. And I'm so honored that you'd have me as a guest on your podcast. I love what you do, and I've learned so much from you already. So, man, I'm I'm excited to have added today and to share a little bit and to learn a little bit as we go and hopefully add a lot of value to your listeners.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

I'm sure we will. So let's jump straight in. I know you're a man of frameworks and a great thinker, a man of ideas. Before we get to that, let's start with your story in your way. When you look back at your journey from where you started to becoming the limitless coach, what are the defining chapters that shaped who you are today?

SPEAKER_02 3:23

That's a great question. And uh I will try to give you the cliff note version, right? I'm gonna sum this up in a little bit of journey. And I think, you know, regardless of my story or situations that I went through, I think we all have similar stories in our lives that we have encountered experiences where whether we knew it or not at the time, they created limitations in our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world around us through the way we interpreted experiences that happened, right? And they began to shape how we believed, right? And those beliefs begin to shape how we behave and then the outcomes we get. And so I have to tell you, I lived a limited life for a very long time, not knowing it. And it really all began as I began to unpack the ceiling I was running into in my life. Like I couldn't break through some places, and it was costing me. And I was pressing in, trying to, why can't I seem to get to that, whatever that next level was for me at that time? And uh I started pressing in. I got a coach, I had some people really that were asking me really good questions. I think that's the powerful thing about coaching, is you get a good coach, they know how to ask good questions. Briefly, the the journey, the markers, what I discovered was that at six years old, I was raised by a single mom and a grandmother, right? And uh, they were awesome, they loved me, but it was hard. And I'm I know I don't look at Mo, but I'm in my 60s, okay? I'm doing my best to stay young. But in those days, being a single mom back in the 70s, right, early 70s, wasn't a popular thing. It wasn't a common thing. And my mom had to work several jobs to take care of me. And in that process, she had to get a babysitter, right? And a babysitter was going to watch me in the evenings because it was her second job. And mom trusted the babysitter, so I trusted the babysitter. And when the abuse began, right, and I don't mean to jump into a real dark place or a negative place because I look at it differently. It was, it was no good. There was nothing good about it, it wasn't positive. But as I look at my journey of my life, it marked me. And it began this journey for me. And that that abuse in that place caused me to view myself, others, and the world around me in a certain manner. And so then it caused me to then begin to act and behave in a way that was very self-protective, right? I would put myself out there, but really how I treated women throughout my life was very negative. It was, I'm not gonna let them get too close, all right. I'm gonna keep them at a distance. And then when they become a little overwhelming or feel like they're closing in, I'm gonna break it off and I'm gonna move away. Well, that worked until about 25 years old. So about 20, 20 years of my life, I was like, okay, and didn't even think about it until I met this woman of my dreams, man. She was the person I wanted to marry. And I remember getting ready to propose and the whole process. And in that process, I'm gonna propose to her that night, got it all worked out. We go to dinner, favorite restaurant. I proceed to make her so mad at me that she's done with me and she wants to end the relationship. And it was in that moment that I thought, what have I just done? Why did I do that? And it was like this flashback in me is like all the relationships I had done that with, but none of them had the impact that she did. And I thought, man, this is not okay. And what I realized in that process, we worked through it, we're good, we got married, we've been married for 37 years, two great kids, just had my first grandkids. So it all worked out well. But it was a it was a moment where I said, man, I can't run anymore. I got to face this thing that's hitting me. What is it that's this belief system that I have that's causing me to settle for something less than I was born and created for? And so when I dug into that and I had some good coaches and good people around me that helped me process, I realized that I had settled for a limited life. I had lived that way for so long, and I want everyone to hear this, it became normal. And my question as we go through this today is where in your life are you living a normal life that was never meant to be your normal? What if the normal you're accepting was never meant to be your normal? And so if it is, then you have settled for something less than you were born and created to do, an impact that you were created to have. And so sometimes we have to challenge normal. So that's what happened at 25 years old. I was challenging this normal. Like, oh my goodness, what am I doing? And I realized I had created a belief system that drove my behaviors. And we can get into that if you want, but I believe that all of our behaviors are driven by our beliefs, consciously and unconsciously. We can't act in a way contrary to what we believe. And then our behaviors produce our outcomes. And my outcomes was broken and damaged relationships for 20 years, right? And I just never saw it that way. I never saw it as a collective. It was just I was living my life. So, anyways, that would be the biggest marker that started me on this road. And I realized in that moment that began to develop over the next 25, 30 years to where I am today, of this idea that how many of us and what other areas of my life am I settling for something? If I put a ceiling on myself, and I was successful. I was president of the fraternity, basketball coach, basketball player in high school and college. So on the outside, I was very successful pursuing. But every time I was getting to that level of success, I'd run. I'd disconnect. I'd somehow sabotage myself so that I wouldn't have to prove that I actually could be who I was pretending to be. And I thought, man, I can't keep doing this anymore. In a nutshell, that was the biggest marker. And then I learned other areas that I had set up limitations. And I think for all of us, Mo, you could probably agree to this with your coaching, is we've got these limitations that we've set on ourselves that we don't even realize that are there. And until we can challenge those, we'll never see the potential for our lives. And we will settle for success instead of kind of things you talk about, instead of pushing past success to something greater, which I talk about as significance. That's what got me so motivated to help set other people free, to discover those limitations, and then walk into the greatness that I know that they were born and created to have and the impact in their people and the world around them.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Rick, what an intro. So you mentioned that beliefs lead to behaviors. And most of these beliefs, they tend to be limiting beliefs. Where do these limiting beliefs come from and how do we recognize them?

SPEAKER_02 9:48

Great question. Two really good questions. And the second one I get a lot, like, I don't think I have any limiting beliefs. And I'm like, well, we all have them. So let's just put that on the table. We all have them somewhere, whether we know it or not. It's a part of our lives, right? So the trauma I went through, my limiting belief wasn't the trauma. My limiting belief was how I interpreted and perceived the trauma and what it meant about me, what I thought it said about me. So typically, our limiting beliefs come from places in our lives, experiences that we go through, good and bad, right? We can have limitless beliefs as well, right? When we have some of those, there's some areas we're just killing it. So it's really how we perceive experiences and then how we define them, and then we define ourselves, others, and the world around us based on our definition of that experience. So I was abused, right? Or and I couldn't talk to my mom, I couldn't tell anyone. So inside is a narrative that begins to play. Well, mom trusted the babysitter, I should trust the babysitter. So if this is happening and it doesn't feel right and I don't think it's okay, it must not be the babysitter because mom trusts her. It must be something about me. So the narrative I began to tell myself about this experience to protect myself, to understand the situation, began to shape my beliefs about me, my value, my worth. Right. And then I started to see others, especially women, females, in a certain way. All women want to. So I make these generalizations, again, inside, unconsciously in my narrative about women and the things that they desire and what their purpose is in my life. And then I superimpose that also on the world. Man, the world's not a safe place. The world just wants to. So how I interpreted my experience, the definition of it, how I saw myself in it, the narratives I told myself began to shape my beliefs. And some of those are limited. And then I could look at other situations where I was encouraged. You know, I was an athlete. So I was always encouraged. Man, you're good. You've got these skills, you're the best defensive player, you bring all this energy. I believe that. Like this is being poured into me. And so I excelled in that area. I believed I could do whatever I put my mind to in that area. To me, that's where that comes from. So we all have stories and narratives we told ourselves that created limitations or limitless beliefs that we then begin to act and support by our behavior that then began to produce this series of outcomes.

SPEAKER_00 12:28

So stories, beliefs, behaviors, outcomes. Yes, sir. How do we now iterate these? Because I'm assuming the behaviors we can attribute to worldview or perhaps identity pieces. Are they worldview pieces, identity pieces? And how can a coach help you iterate those behaviors? And we've mentioned a pathway to get to the behaviors already.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

It's really causing people to ask questions. When someone comes to me in coaching, right, or we get connected, not every connection is a fit because what I'm looking for is someone who's willing to challenge normal. They usually end up in front of me because they've hit a wall somewhere, either relationally or professionally or personally. They've tried to break through things, they've tried to do things, and they've been unsuccessful at moving to that next place. They may be a manager in a company and the CEO said, Hey, could you coach one of my members? I know they've got talent and ability and skills, but they just can't seem to move on to the next place. And so part of that is their willingness in the interview to say, Can we challenge? Can I challenge you? Are you open for me to challenge some of the things that you believe and why you believe them and what you think about them, the truths that you have? So the first thing is really getting them to allow the conversation to happen. We want to provoke that. And then helping them self-assess because they're like, well, I don't know if I have, I don't know what they are, I don't know where they're from, I don't know how to identify them. And so I ask them, I said, start listening, and this will happen for the people that are listening to us. For the next 24 to 36 hours, you're gonna hear this word that I'm gonna mention to you. Start looking for ways where you say, I can't, I'm not, I've never, I don't. Those statements, like when someone suggests something, hey, can you help me do? Would you build this? Can we go do this? And if your first response is, no, I've never really been good at that, or no, I really can't do this, or I've not XYZ, whatever it might be, those are tells that there may be a limiting belief behind it. I can't, I'm not, I'm never, I won't. So begin to pay attention. So all of the listeners, as you're talking to friends, as you're talking to coworkers, as you're working with employees or with your spouse or significant others, right? Whoever it is in your life, if you hear yourself, catch yourself saying, No, I can't do that, or no, I've never been able to do this, just pause for a minute and wonder what is it that you're saying you can't, you're not, you're never, or you won't about? And then be willing to ask yourself, is that really true? Here's the rub, Mo, because they'll go, Well, I've got story after story that validates its truth. That's what they'll tell me. Like, but yeah, I can say it's true because every time I try to do this, X, Y happens. I said, absolutely. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy because you've already believed that it's going to happen before you even start. So you begin to move and act in a way subconsciously to reinforce the belief. And if the belief is I can't, I'm not, I'm never, I won't, your behaviors subconsciously will begin to move in that direction to make sure that you can't, you're not, you're never, or you won't. So pay attention to your language. The big one that I tell people to watch out for that has the typically anchored into a limiting belief is the word but. It's like when you say, hey, I'm looking for a new Cadillac. I can't wait for this car, right? A blue Cadillac, and all of a sudden you see it everywhere. So I'm just putting into everyone's subconscious right now the word but. When you hear yourself say, I can help you with this, but 90% of the time the word but negates everything before it. Actually, what you're saying is, I really don't believe everything I just said. Now let me tell you what I truly believe. Oh, I would love to help you, but I would love to build that, but I would love to pursue that program or put that team together or do this, but. And then everything you say after that is what you actually believe. It's the excuses and justification you make for why you're not going to do what it is you said you'd love to do. So, but is a great way to identify potential limiting beliefs that you have in your life personally or professionally. The other side of that is but is also a very good word because it allows you to negate the negative. Man, I can't do this. I've never been able to do this, but I'm going to, and now you're telling yourself, I've never done this, but I'm going to do it. So you move yourself away from that negative belief that you have. That's kind of the process and how I help people identify it. And once we can identify it, then we can begin to work through it. I don't know if that answers what you were asking or not, Mo, but that's that's kind of the process and how I help people identify it. And once we can identify it, then we can begin to work through it. Is that did that kind of answer what you were asking?

SPEAKER_00 17:22

Absolutely. There's that phrase of be good to yourself when you talk to yourself. And this is that next level where you're feeding intentionally your subconscious mind, erasing the butt and erasing the negative and speaking in more captivating language to now feed forward your conscious mind. So that answers for sure. Let's go back in time. When you think back to the early part of your life and your career, how did you personally define success? And where did that definition come from?

SPEAKER_02 17:56

Yeah, absolutely. That's a great question. And I love your work in this as well, because you talk about the difference between success and sustainable growth and the transformation that we're looking for. And you know, I think success is a powerful thing. And I think it's something we all have been wired into our DNA. Be successful, right? And then we have to go, what does that look like? Am I building my success based on Mo? Like if I get to where Mo is, I'm successful. If I can have worked for Tony Robbins and if I can have coached 100,000 people, you know, that success. Well, so we have to look first at is how are we defining success? What does success mean to me? What does it mean to you? They have to be unique. And so then I think that's an important thing. We should all seek to be successful. But what I learned in the process is success is still a limitation. Success is still less than. It's good, and we should pursue success, but success is all about me. It's about what I can do and my achievement and what I'm capable of. And success is I learn through it. Like I was a successful basketball player until I wasn't. Right. I I was good. I could play at high school. I played at college. I tried to play overseas a little bit. And then I realized no matter how much I self-talk myself, I just don't have the skill set to be at that next level. But I was successful, right? But when I stopped playing basketball, did I stop being successful? Was I no longer a success? Is success just conditioned upon my ability to achieve something in an area of my life? And then when I can't achieve it, I I stop being successful. That's kind of how we live. So we're always chasing the next success. So what I realized is success is important. We must pursue success, but it's less than. The difference is, I believe, we should pursue a significant life. Significance is not about me, it's about we. It's about the legacy that's left after I'm gone. It's the ripple that the pebble has in a pond. Significance is that ripple that keeps moving out because I see the life and what I'm doing, not from the lens of what it can do for me, but what can I offer, provide, what do I have to give to others and the world around me that is greater than me? And I think that is in our core nature, I believe, whether we've identified it or not, for me, that's where fulfillment comes. I want to be successful, but I want to live a significant life. And to live a significant life, it's a different mindset. I have to find humility, not weakness, not less than, but humility that allows me to be all that I am, but not lead with that so that I can be all I can be for the people and the world around me. It's that thing that I can leave. It's the story that my children tell when I'm long gone when someone says, I heard about your dad. Or for Mo, like, man, I heard about this Mo guy, man. He was awesome. Can you tell me about him? You don't want him to say, oh, he had a huge podcast and drove a cool car and worked with Tony Robbins. That's not what we want him to say. What we'd like people to say is, man, he changed my life. He encouraged me. He always lifted me up. He spoke into my future. He helped me break through these limitations to where I could be not just successful, but that's the narrative I would love the world to tell about when they encountered Rick, what was the experience? That's a significant life. And I think that should be for me and people I work with, that's the transition that I want to see people move through. Does that help?

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Is that kind of that really helps? And that frame of significance. I want to ask as well, Rick. You know, we all have our journeys. Before your message formed around living limitless, and I I love that concept by the way what version of yourself were you operating from internally? Before that message fully solidified of living, limitless exclamation mark.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Yeah. I think we are and we are not yet. You already are successful, you are living a significant, you are good, you are achieving, and we're not yet. There is that thing that we are hopefully constantly becoming. I want to believe that I can continually grow and learn and become, right? So that version of where I was is still, there's remnants of that that I work through my entire life as I become the next version, like used to that better version of my world, my geography, my you know, sphere of influence, right? And so the person I was, and I think again, we use this, and sometimes the words get used too much and we lose the meaning, but that imposter syndrome kind of idea, right? I, you know, again, it gets used a lot. Oh, and I don't have it, or I do have it. Or so if I was going to clean it up and say, you know, there is a version that I saw myself when I looked in the mirror that was successful and encouraging and like strong and confident. And right behind that, that dual person was someone who was afraid and timid and would overcompensate and always feel he had to prove himself to be that next thing. I was building, I was a coach and I was a pastor for a while, and before I got into what I'm doing the last 20 years, and I have two adopted children. So is it okay if I share a quick story about this?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Let's do it. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

I have two adopted children from birth. Amazing stories in themselves, and uh such a blessing. My son's now 31, my daughter's 28, she just had our first granddaughter, but they had some very difficult seasons of their life, extremely challenging. It caused us to have to make changes in our life. I was building a church, I had a commercial cleaning company, I had a coffee shop, entrepreneurial stuff. We were building things, and then my son hit a wall, and that wall was devastating, and he became suicidal. And so we went through seven various attempts at suicide. And so we had to make some serious life decisions in our home about how to make sure he lived, literally, was going to live. And how do we do that? My wife had a great job, worked for her dad, vice president of a company, was the primary financial part of our family. And I was building and doing things. And so when we made the decision, long story short, I decided I was gonna step away from everything, stop the commercial cleaning, the coffee shop, the pastoring, the church, and I was gonna be a stay-at-home dad because I was an educator at first. I was a school teacher. So I'm gonna be a stay-at-home dad and be there for my son and work on that. My wife was gonna keep working. Well, that period of time, and then my daughter went through some issues, was about a 15-year window where I stopped building, growing, doing, and that was in my 30s, mid-30s to mid-40s, and I became a dad, and that was my job to take care of my family. And I volunteered and started some nonprofits, but I let all the growth go. So when my kids got healthy, again, long story short, but when my kids got healthy, I started asking, what do I do now? What does life look like now? I need to go produce. I had it in me to build, and I was building, and I was building in trajectory of growth. Well, now when I was coming back into it at almost 50 years old, I'm like, well, I don't have any experience. I've lost 15 years in the workplace. So now my self-confidence, my energy, my motivation internally, externally, I was still this confident. Look at me, I'm gonna go build. But every time I went to an executive or I went to the Chamber of Commerce here in the United States to work with them, inside I'm dying. There was a view of myself that said, Why am I here? And why would they listen to me? And I've been a dad. That's been what's your job? I was a dad for 15 years. Yes, it was the most important thing I could have done. I would do it all again, but the world doesn't see that. They, you know, my perception was they had this view of me that was less than. Why would they want me to coach them? Why would they want me to do leadership with them? Why would they want any of that when my experience has been sitting at home with my kids? That was the narrative. So that has still been a part of my journey as I built and I and I wrote the book and I was moving through this. It's been this constant maturing and evolution of my own looking in the mirror and declaring over my life, and I I wear a bracelet, it's on my shirt, I will, I can, I am. I started changing my conversation. Man, I will be a coach, a successful coach, a significant coach. I can lead leaders. I am a leader, I am a coach, I am significant. I had to start changing that narrative because the person inside wasn't aligning with what I was showing up outside. And the truth is, we all know this, eventually those worlds collide. And that world inside is going to show up on the outside, and people are going to either feel it, see it, sense it, or know it. And I had to bring alignment and congruity. And so that was who I was. And I kept realizing I can't break through to the next level. I can't really do what I desire to do if I don't deal with the person inside here that says you're you're less than and you don't deserve to be where you are. And I'm still there. There's still areas I get with you and I'm like, man, what am I doing with Mo? Man, his story and his journey and who he's been with and all this he's done. And I look at the people that you've interviewed, you know, Lee, the Lee Jackson, the last guy, I was like, man, I can't compete with him. I'm not there. John Gallagher, who we both know. I was like, well, John's really doing a great job. And his story, and I'm like, and I have to stop myself. It's like, time out. I am not them. I am me. What is the and you said this, what's the best version of me? What have I been gifted and called to do? What is my gift to Mo? What is my gift to the world? Not from a pride place, but if I don't discover it, find it, and get confident in it, then I am shorting the world of me. And I know that sounds prideful, but I would tell everyone the world is going to miss something if you don't show up in your best self. The world will lack something, your family will lack something, your friends, your business will miss something that you own that only you can give them. So until you believe you're worthy of that, you have value of that, that that is who you are, and the world needs you, you're going to keep holding back, reserving the greatest part of you. And the world needs that.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

I mean this is really great.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Again, feeding the subconscious to serve the conscious mind. I want to give a huge debt of gratitude to the people that were in that position you mentioned or are in that position. I'm talking about parents right now, because a lot of times you have parents who've dedicated their life and done it properly to raising the next generation. And as you mentioned, a lot of times the outcome of that is I'm just uh, you know, there's a moment when they want to pursue their own thing, their own way, and I'm just uh fill in the blank. I'm just uh okay, so you're you're out in the I will, I can, I am mindset and philosophy, and you've come from being just a parent. And my question to you is are there transferable skills that the parent doesn't see from being just a parent that are incredibly useful when they go out into the big wide world?

SPEAKER_02 29:41

Well, we could do a whole podcast just on this, Mo. I mean, this is so important because no one, we are never just a first thing is we got to get that out of the vocabulary. And it's so true. Well, I'm I was just a I was just a coach. I was just a dad. Time out. When I hear people say that, I'm like, no, no, no, no. You are never just a. You are a dad. You are a coach. You are a friend, you are a husband. So that's the first thing is own the greatness of that. What's transferable? Everything. Because the first thing we've got to understand is the development and the growth of the human, of the person. Everything in life is personal before it's corporate. You are limited to what you can do corporate-wise, based on the limitations you believe or put on yourself personally. So when you think about being a parent, think about being a leader, a manager, a and I and I look at leadership different, right? So leadership, we typically talk about as a position, a title, a paycheck, a corner office, a car, and it is authority. But it's not first that. And I've been mentored by John Maxwell. I've been blessed to be in his world for a long time. And he talks about leadership as influence, nothing more, nothing less. And I really have built on that saying everyone is a leader because I do believe at its core, leadership is a posture, not a program, not a position. It's a posture that we take because when we come into a space, when I enter into a room, I bring my presence there. And when my presence shows up, it impacts that space, positively or negatively. People notice it. I don't have to say a word. We all influence space when we show up. And so leadership is our ability to influence by showing up and how we show up. So let me say that. So if that's true, then when we are raising people, my goal in leadership development is leaders raising leaders based on that definition. So let's be a parent. A parent implies I have a child. A child is someone who is starting out impressionable that one day will be on their own and be a parent and trying to influence and impact the world around them. So, what's the greatest gift I can give them is raise them up to be people of positive influence and impact. How do I do that? I help them with their mindset, their declarations, their beliefs. How do they fail well? Right? How do you fall forward and get back up? How do you deal with the things of life that are unexpected? Every skill set as a parent needs to successfully raise a child is the skill set we need as leaders to raise up industry, people. It all begins personally before it can ever be successful corporately. But we skip the personal to go build the corporate. And when we do that, we're building on shifting sand. And eventually what we built is going to collapse or not sustain. And then it's when I'm gone, what I built is gone. I don't want that to be my truth. I don't want to be my kids' truth. So everything about what you just said, everything we do as a parent or as a husband, the way we empower our spouse, my my spouse, or as a significant other in our lives, how I speak life into them, how I handle conflict, don't just walk away and quit. I've done my part. She needs to do her part. I've done all I can and we quit and we walk away. No, no, it's we we we can't be that casual with this. This is where life happens. A good friend of mine in coaching said when you're working with people and you're going through hard things, don't steal the struggle. Don't steal the struggle. The struggle's where growth happens, the struggle's where life change happens, the struggle is where awareness and realization can happen. It's not guaranteed. You've got to be willing to go through it. I've got a lot of words. My kids put a this a governor, we call them governors, like speed limit things on buses. I, you know, and cars, you could only go so fast and then it would shut you down. My kids said, I need a word governor on my life. Like, dad, when you hit your word limit, you can't talk anymore during the day. So I know I use a lot of words, but but I say that to help us understand the repetition of it, that there isn't a thing that we do that doesn't translate into the world. If we first focus on the development of self and then the empowerment and development of others to believe, to see themselves as they were created, born, and destined to be, not as they see themselves, but with the greatness that's in them. Our words are powerful, Mo. I mean, our words to lift and to and to empower and to equip and to propel are powerful and just as powerful to tear down and destroy and corrupt and kill. There's a verse I love in Proverbs that says, There's power in the tongue to give life or take life. And in some translations it says, you choose. It's my choice.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

It's always a choice, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

It's my choice to speak words of life over myself or others that give life, or I can speak words of death over myself and others. But the power in that tongue of what comes out and I speak is so important.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

It is such a an empowering message for wives, husbands, mothers, fathers. So uh thanks for your words on that. The likelihood, Rick, is this is going to be a double episode. So um, you know, um Rory says there's no such thing as too long, there's only too boring. And the words you're using, these are powerful, you know. There's no word wastage here. Like these are powerful words, powerful sentiments. So that's all fine. And pretty early, I thought, oh, this will be our first ever in the history of this podcast double episode because the words you're sharing are gold, and the wisdom you're sharing is just gold, frankincense, and myrrh. There you go. And Rick, during your journey, was there a point where you thought achieving more didn't feel like becoming more? And what did that disconnect feel like? It's basically where you're getting the double your revenues and you're achieving more success. And you mentioned cars earlier and the bigger house, and just getting more stuff, as I call it. Was there a point where getting more stuff didn't feel like more?

SPEAKER_02 36:13

Yes. I've been fortunate in my journey a little bit, I guess, in one way, is that stuff was never something I pursued, right? I mean, I have desires and home and cars and things like that, but it it never drove me. So it wasn't this revelation of I've got all this thing, but I still feel empty. But it's a lot of people I work with, especially in the professional world, the CEOs, the entrepreneurs, it's like they're building and collecting and accumulating. Typically, if you go back to the source of what that's about, Mo, and you know this because this is the work you do. It's typically trying to find identity, value, and worth in something outside of ourselves. And until we recognize that, no matter how much I try to build and find and define from the world outside, there's a point where you just keep feeling it just doesn't fill the hole. It's interesting, Blaise Pascal, he was a mathematician, and he talked about this thing. And I don't know about his faith or if he was a faith person. I don't know about everyone's faith, and I'm not trying to put that on people, but he had a perspective. And he said he believed that humans were designed and created with what he called a god hole inside of them. And that god hole, they spend their whole life trying to fill. And it's the whole desires, it's got legitimate needs value, worth, belonging, love, identity are all the things that we want to use to fill that hole. Those are legitimate needs and desires, the stuff in the world, the recognition, they're legitimate. They're not illegitimate. They're okay to desire that, to want that. But we try to fill this hole in us through illegitimate means. It's a legitimate need and desire, but it's in illegitimate ways, thinking something in the world is going to fill this void that I feel. And the problem is we keep stuffing things in there and it's never enough. And it never feels full, and we never feel satisfied, and we don't understand it. His thought was until we fill the hole with the one who is designed to fill it, with the one who created the hole, we will never feel like we're enough. We will never find our identity. So if I was going to just translate that into our own journey, it's that place where the hole inside of us that we're trying to fill is legitimate, the needs that we have to value, worth, identity. But they're not found in our activity and the outside workings. They're found internally in our createdness, in our in just who we are. You are already good, you are already perfect, you are already worthy, you are already valuable. I'm just having to turn my belief system. I'm either going to believe the world, and we can go down a whole nother path that is against me, and we get filled, the phone, the thing, everything, the world is saying, hey, you're not good enough. You should be like this, you should look like this, you should do this. So now we're racing after this world's view of identity, value, and worth that is not for us. It's actually meant to kill, steal, and destroy our lives. It is not our friend. But we find ourselves agreeing with it and aligning with it and living chasing it. Or we can agree with our createdness. And for me, I'm a faith person. So I go with the one who created me who said, I already am these things. So who am I going to agree with? One that's for me for life, a future and a hope, or a world that's against me. And when I realign that structure to whatever that is in me that isn't the world, that hole begins to get filled. Now my identity, value, and worth is secure. And no matter what you say or do, or my achievement or success or failure doesn't get to mess with that. It's already set. I can stand secure. I'm less offended by things because the world doesn't revolve around me. It impacts me, but it's not about me. And so I can stand in a place of security and confidence. And then when I go try to get it, achieve, build, grow, do all that, man, I'm building it from a foundation of solid rock. And now the sky's the limit because it's not dependent on something out here in the world. They can't see us, but the the external, it's now built upon something internal. It says, I can, I will, and I am. The last thing I'll say about that, Mo is the why I chose those three words, really important. I start with I will, I can, and I am. I start with I will. I will is a statement of intention. We're telling our subconscious, I will do something. So we're getting ready. We're subconscious, hey, boss said we're gonna do this, we will do this. So now I'm all right, I will a statement of intention. I can is a statement of ability. I have the ability, I can do this. Most powerful declaration we can make is I am, because it's a statement of identity. I am telling myself, I am this. I am a builder, an executive, I am a business owner, I am successful, I am a father, I am a mother, I am a friend. It's identity. And when we can declare positive identity over ourselves, we will begin to live in that reality. And it changes everything. I appreciate the opportunity to share that, but that's to me, that's the core of it all.

SPEAKER_00 41:36

Was there a less than positive identity that you'd been building life on prior to discovering?

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Well, 100%. Um, I mean, it goes back to single mom, right? Being raised in a time when that wasn't part of it. I my uncle was the only male in my life, and he was a full-on hippie. I mean, Harley Davidson, long hair. People said he looked like Jesus, had the whole beard, you know, and I didn't grow up a person of faith. I don't, you know, I keep bringing that in there, but that's just been part of my story, my journey. But I mean, they lived in the basement, and everything the hippies did that was part of their world, but that was in my world, right? And so that was shaping my views, shaping my life, shaping how I saw the world. Um, and so all of that impacted how I saw myself, how I viewed myself, my value, my worth. And those are all things that I had to at some point face and recognize how I interpreted those things. Did I interpret them in a way that was true, or did I was uh believing a lie about those things? And I realized in the majority of those places, my beliefs around the experiences were lies. And so then I realized I built my life and behaviors off of lies. And I had to go back and reframe those lies to truth. The feelings were real, the experiences were real, but how I interpreted and defined them, it goes back to what we said earlier, weren't real. They weren't based in truth. And so that's where I had to go and reframe that. This is this is all great.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

Rick, how important is faith for achieving purpose-driven success?

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Yeah. So if we're talking about faith in terms of a spiritual faith, right, uh as in a belief in something greater than ourselves, if that's if that's the type of faith we're talking about, here's how I would say this. I think it is essential and non negotiable for sustained transformation. The key word is for sustained transformation. I can build anything. We are strong humans, we are capable, we can do a lot. Our will is powerful. When we put our mind to something, we can build, we can do great things. I don't know what the limit is there. But I believe in my experiences told me that when it's built on myself and my ability, it's limited and eventually is going to run into a wall. Eventually it's going to cost me something I didn't want to pay. A wife, a child, a family, a relationship, a business. When I build upon myself and I am the sole source of my success, I believe we settle for something less than. And it could be great. Less than doesn't mean it's terrible. We could build empires, but there's going to be a huge cost somewhere in there that we are either willing or not willing to admit or face. There will be great loss along the way. And I don't believe living in that space is one sustainable for long periods of time. And two, I don't believe it's a significant life without faith. So now, but we can be successful. Without faith, we can do a lot. I think with faith, we realize that I've been gifted with talents and abilities and skills and understanding and gifts. And when I put those to work and I do the work, I go after it. But I understand that I am limited ultimately, that apart from something greater than, that gives me the courage to go through hard places well, that gives me the strength to repent and seek forgiveness when I mess up so I can restore relationships, that gives me the ability to not be offended because the world doesn't revolve around me. If I'm building on myself, my strength, then really what I'm saying is the world revolves around Rick and I'm the one on the throne. And as long as I'm in charge, then I can do this. But then that also means that everyone else has the ability to offend me, hurt me, attack me. So I'm always defensive postures in that space. And man, that's, I don't know if you've ever been there. And I've been there. I mean, I've sat on my throne. It's exhausting. It's exhausting. Right. And we were never meant to live there. And so for me, again, long answer for this question, but it's so powerful. For me, tapping into that something greater, the belief that I was created with a purpose, a destiny, a future, and a hope in mind. I do believe, and I believe you were. I believe all humans, whether you guys believe that or not, isn't the point. I don't need you to believe it. I coach because I believe it. Because when I look at you, no matter where you are, what I see is something greater than what you see. And you're very successful. But Mo, you haven't even touched the tip of what God has, what I believe is destined for you. You're just playing with success and significance right now. There's so much more greatness in you. And what I mean by greatness is the ability to influence and impact the lives of the people and world around you that will live for generations. That's what you're meant to do. You're doing it, but you haven't seen the fullness of it yet. It's coming. It's always we're becoming, and that's powerful, man. And that's faith tells me that. Faith tells me there is more. Not stuff and things. This is really important. It's I say this, this is one of my key lines, right? You were created for more. Not stuff and things, but influence and impact, a future and a hope. I don't know what your more is, Mo. I don't know what your listeners' more is, but I believe that you were created for more. And my passion and purpose is how do I help you discover the more and walk it out?

SPEAKER_01 47:30

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

I'm hearing an extra layer of faith giving you humility and gratitude and having like an even better access to that to flourish even more. So if someone's listening to this, and again, we're not trying to convert anyone to anything, but if someone's listening to this and they're thinking you know, the the capacity of a human being is limited, we know that, or hopefully we know that the capacity of a human being is limited. And if someone decides they want to fill that god hole in certain faith, what's step number one?

SPEAKER_02 48:19

Well, I think step number one would be if that's not a place you've been or you've avoided it, or maybe life's experiences has caused you to have a negative view of quote religion, the institution of faith. There's a difference between the institution of faith that was created by man and the relationship of faith that was always intended to be. Right. And so I didn't grow up in a church. I didn't grow up of faith. I was far from it. There was that was not a part of my journey. I didn't care about it, I didn't think about it. I was until I met this woman. I told you about the woman in my dreams, I was sabotaging, right? Her dad came to me before we were married and he said, Listen, Rick, we think you're awesome. We're so glad you're a part of our daughter's life. But here's the thing: if you want a long-term, sustainable relationship with our daughter and this family, you need to get your life right with the Lord. And I was like, Lord, what's that? Isn't that me? I was like, I didn't say it, but inside I'm going, what are you talking about? And what does that mean? But where I would say you start is be open to a conversation, not about religion and institution and church, but about the belief and the idea that maybe there is a creator that is about relationship that says, Listen, I created you in my image, and that image is good and it's perfect, and it's and listen, there's bad and there's evil, and there's hate and there's brokenness, and we all have the proclivity in us to do damage, right? We're selfish beings in our nature just as we are, and that's not wrong. It's part of how we were created and wired, but submitted to a greater vision and a greater understanding of our identity, everything changes. And so I would say to people, listen, if you're trying to figure out what that looks like, what does that God hold? What is the thing? I would say, be willing to have conversation and begin to explore the idea that maybe there was a creator that looked at you and your createdness. There's a scripture that I love. And if it's okay to go there, it's it's one that was hit given to me before faith, before I went down that road. I didn't understand it. And so, hey, read this. And they gave me this scripture, and it was Psalm 139. I was like, okay, fine. I trust you, I like you, I'll read it. But I had no desire for anything. I wasn't against religion or faith or Christianity. I wasn't, it wasn't against it. I was like, but I wasn't for it. But I read it. Long story short, it's a story of David and God, and God's talking to David, and God is unpacking what he believes and thinks about David as a relationship. And he tells David, David, there's no place you can run or hide that I'm not there. I've numbered the hairs on your head. My thoughts for you are more numerous than every grain of sand on every seashore. I mean, just think of that. What does that mean? Right? He says, he says, you know, your highs, I'm with you, your lows, I'm with you. He unpacks this relationship. And I read it and I was blown away. I thought, wow, if that's what faith is, I'm really, really interested. Because that is an amazing relationship that is like life-giving. It's powerful. And so, so that would be where I'd say is just be willing to have an exploration around a conversation of relationship, not religion, not law, not institution. Now, I do think there's an importance in community and all that stuff, but it doesn't start there. It starts with a could it be that I was created by something who has a purpose, a future, a destiny, and a hope in mind for me? And when we get to the purity of my faith, that's exactly what it says. It's it talks about my creativity and my identity. And when I align my identity with my faith, what can the world do to me? Because it's not dependent on whether Mo likes what I say or doesn't, or he agrees or doesn't, it's okay. We can disagree, and I'm I'm okay with that. It's okay. So again, it's a lot there, but I would say the first step is be willing to consider the relational dynamic, a potential of a creator that has something incredible to say about you, that when you align with that, it's the foundation that is not shaky. My identity wasn't an abused child. That's not who I was. I didn't deserve it. And God said, no, that wasn't. And that's that was terrible. That was life. It shouldn't have happened. Bad things happen. This is the world we live in. But let me tell you, let me redefine you. You are actually a son. You are actually valued. You are actually worthy to be loved. You actually can love unconditionally. You actually are worthy to be in a relationship and find a soulmate that's meant to be with you for now 37 years. That's my best friend. Do you understand? It's like he realigned my identity with something greater than what I could have come up with on my own.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Thank you for listening to Purpose Driven Success with Mo Salami. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. It's one of the best ways to help others discover the show. You can find links and resources and show notes at our website. And if today's episode inspired you, check out one of our other insight-filled, value-packed episodes. Next week we'll have another amazing guest, so stay tuned for even more real stories and actionable insights. Work on your mindset, work on your skill set, and always move in the direction of the result you want before you see the result you want. And until next time, do the best you can consistently. Ciao.